Rurouni Spread Insanity
by Wistful-Eyes
Summary: A collection of random idiotic stories. Non-consistent. Get ready for weirdness! Ch8: History. Personally, my worst subject. Can it be fun? Yes! As long as the K-gumi is invited! Ch. 9: The strangest relationships ever! Who IS your Daddy?
1. Troubles of Voice

Rurouni-Spread Insanity  
By Wistful_Eyes  
  
The Demise of Richard Hayworth  
  
It was a dreary day, to Richard at least. A very dreary and rather long day. Work had kept him up and he couldn't wait to get home and sleep for the next 10 hours. As he sat on the bus, he attempted to catch some shut- eye that he had missed, but was distracted because a group of rather giggly teenage girls were sitting a few seats away from him and gossiping loudly.  
  
The bus was almost empty, Richard noted, so he wouldn't get any glares from passengers if he told those girls to just SHUT UP! But his nature was too kind to be so "abrupt", so after a minute of trying to ignore their chattering, he sat up and called over to them. He wore a friendly grin on his face that said: Please-I'm-A-Very-Tired-Man-Who-Would-Like-You-To-Shut- Up-Now and he tried very hard to keep the annoyance out of his voice.  
  
"Excuse me, would you mind talking quieter?" The 8 girls stopped talking immidietly and turned slowly to face him with a stunned expression on each of their faces. Richard turned pale as he saw their T-Shirts, which he couldn't really see before since they were huddled together. Now that all 8 girls faced him, he could see that they had bought their T-Shirts from an Anime Convention. And whaddaya-know, 3 of them happened to be wearing Rurouni Kenshin. He soon found out that all of them knew the show, though.  
  
"You...you have Kenshin's voice!" one girl said dumbly, staring in shock. Richard twitched. 'Its my voice, excuse me,' he thought irritably. As the girls began to whisper eachother wonderingly, Richard got into a panic. 'Don't let them start yacking off again!' He tried to cut them off.  
  
"Actually, I'm just his voice-ORO!" he choked, as a notebook came out of nowhere and conked him on the head. "Ororooooo...." he wheezed, clutching his head. Dazedly he heard the fangirls cheering and crying to eachother: "Did you hear that? Oro! You were right! That's so cool! Hit him again!"  
  
"GAH, no mo-ORO! ORO! ORO!" 3 more objects had collided with his head, and the crazy girls cheered once more.  
  
"WOW! That is so neat! Hit him again, Chels!" "Its SOOOOOOO cute! Oro oro oro!" *more giggles* "Here, I think I have a plastic doohicky in here....." *sounds of someone fishing through their purse*  
  
'Whats wrong with me?!' Richard thought, panicky. 'Oh yeah...now I remember...' 'When I was the voice actor for Kenshin Himura, I practiced saying 'Oro' all the time...'  
  
Unfortunately, apparently it was sticking.  
  
CONK! "Oro!" 'THIS IS ENOUGH!' Richard thought angrily. He stood up from his seat and glared at the offending fangirls, stretching to his full 5 foot and 6 inched height, much unlike the character he had played. "Now, you cut that out right now-" he thundered, but to his dismay the fangirls did not pay any attention to his mood. They were too busy cooing in delight at his oro-ing.  
  
CONK! CONK! "Oro! Or- STOP IT!" Shhhhwww! A pencil flew past as Richard frantically dodged. "Driver! I want to get off NOW!" he screeched, dodging gum wrappers (with gum inside) and a few brushes. The bus pulled to a stop, and Richard ran out as fast as he could.  
  
He ran frantically until he came around the corner of a building and stayed there for a while, hand over his eyes. 'They're gone? Thank goodness....'  
  
"THERE HE IS!" "GET HIM!!!"  
  
Conk! "ORO!-WILL YOU STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME YOU CRAZY PSYCOPATHS!"  
  
CONK! "Orooooowaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!"  
  
~  
  
~  
  
~  
  
New York Gazette  
  
Many people wondered that day why a grown man was screaming and being chased and pelted by a mob of young girls. Richard Hayworth, voice actor for Japanese animation Rurouni Kenshin, was chased for 5 hours by the small mob. They pelted him with various objects, and when they ran out, they used their shoes. They continued to harrass him, the police said, until he would make his eyes swirl. After attempting the strange demand his eye ended up facing the back of his head which resulted in his panic and crashing into a lightpole. The culprits of this even took him to the hospital and were later sent to the mental stability center. After Mr. Hayworth regains use of his left eye, officials say, he will be released to a speech therapist who will help him rid himself of the phrase, "Oro," which apparently was the cause of the whole trouble.  
  
~  
  
~  
  
~  
  
~*~ Owari ~ The End  
  
Sincerely freaky, I know. It came to me in a dream.... *waves fingers mystically*. No it didn't. It popped into my head while I was eating extremely spicy pasta for dinner. It was really funny in my mind, but once again my lack of grammer skills prevented me from writing the whole picture in a funny and amusing way. ......Er....OK! I'm writing really weird today! bakldjf;aieakda. Using too good grammar. Ah. Nice short sentences. I'm happy now. If this made you smile at all, then you are really easy to please. How nice. I think I'm paying more attention to my ideas then entertaining an audience right now tho. I basically wrote this to write the idea/image down, so i don't forget. It was pretty funny when I thought of it, after all. Seriously, if you enjoyed a little itty bitty bit, I am satisfied. Goodbye. More to come.  
  
Ps: NO, I do NOT know Richard Hayworth's height, I do NOT know how tall he is, I do NOT know if he has a kind nature, and NO, I do NOT know if he has ever been mobbed by fangirls because his voice is that of the red haired Rurouni we all love...  
  
Richard: Ahem. It's my voice.  
  
Me: No, its Kenshin's voice. Kenshin's.  
  
Richard: Oh, shut up. 


	2. Welcome to Hogwartz, Rurounisan!

HOGGY'S WARTZ

It was a bright, new day as Kimberly woke up in Hogwart's Castle. She was especially perky and cheerful, and her roommates noticed. They threw a couple of pillows at her.

"Whats WRONG with you? Flitwick's teaching us a new spell today!" one of them scowled.

"Yeah, and that means _more _work." said the other.

"Stupid charms."

"Quite."

Kimberly paused and turned to them, smiling brightly.

"But today is the day we learn Summoning Charms, de gozaru."

"SHUT UP WITH THE DE GOZARU!!!"

She grinned for a moment, and said mischieviously: "Why, de gozaru?"

Kochi, who happened to be Japanese, frowned at her.

"Thats not even proper Japanese."

"So? ....de gozaru."

"STOP IT!"

Kimberly dodged more pillows and hopped out of the door holding one of her shoes. She sighed to herself. "Its not good to annoy your roommates...de..oh, forget it." she muttered to herself quietly, the smile fading a bit. _Usually, we get along so well. I guess since they're so miserable, they don't want to see me so happy..especially after their last grade in potions...But I won't stop! I have a right to be happy! Today...._ "Today....," she said aloud, pausing to stare at the bright orange fire in the Gryffindor girl's common room._ So red....like...._

She spun around, posing dramatically with a peace sign and a huge grin. "Today! I shall summon a wanderer!" 

"Um, Kim?" came Lavender's voice. "What are you doing down here in your pajamas?"

__

'Oro!' she thought inwardly, but supressed it so she wouldn't annoy another of her friends. "....Oops." 

~*~

Heart pounding, Kim turned all her attention to the tiny professor as the students filed in. Flitwick noticed her excitement and laughed at her. "Eager today, aren't we Miss Xie?"

Kimberly nodded feverently causing her hair to flop in front of her face. A couple of students came in and at once dashed to Professor Flitwick to ask about the previous homework standards, taking his attention off of her. _Hurry up! Come on already! _she thought impaciently as the students slowly walked into the classroom in groups of 2s and 3s. She wanted to start the lesson as soon as possible. _I'll get it on my first try...'_she thought determindly. _Maybe even before Hermione Granger!_

After 2 more minutes, all the students were finally inside, and Flitwick began his climb up the top of his book pile so he could see over the podium. _'Come on, come on, professor!' _she pleaded silently. Flitwick stood up on the top of the books and cleared his throat.

"All right, all you chatterboxes, quiet down now!" The giggling died down. Kim sniffed in indignation. _'Behave! This is important, you guys!' _

"As you all know, we will be learning Summoning Charms today!" Flitwick announced, clapping his hands and nodding at the students. "Summoning Charms are one of the basic spells, used to summon objects to a wizard or witch's will..."

Kimberly sat there, rapt attention. But after a while, she felt downtrodden. _'Please, hurry up, Professor!' _Then, finally, they were about to perform the spell! 

"Picture the object in your mind..." he announced. Kimberly felt a twinge of panic. 

__

Object?

"Clearly now, remember the details..."

__

Oh well. Who cares if he's not exactly an object...

"Focus!" 

__

Brilliant red hair...violet eyes.... 

"Raise your wands!"

__

Cheerful nature...'

"The incantation, _accio_, say it properly!" 

__

Cross shaped scar...'

"3" 

__

Hiten Mitsurugi....

"2" 

__

Reverse blade sword, sakabatou!

"1!" 

****

BAM! 

"ORO!"

................ The class stared.....

......0_0

...*_*...

.@_@....$_$

0_0.....0_o

.... X_X ....'__'

...

0_o....

A stunned silence. Then.... "I DID IT! I DID IT!!!" Kimberly shrieked in joy. The red haired man jerked at the shout. The class stared. A few seats away, Harry took off his glasses to wipe, as the bang of all the spells had raised a lot of dust. He stared at the red haired lady sitting on Kim's desk. _She's...sort of pretty... _he thought, then nudged Ron with his elbow. "Who's that girl?" he muttered. Ron stared at him in disbelief. "Harry, hate to break it to you, but that's a man." Harry spluttered and hurriedly put on his glasses. Ron squinted at the nervous being and said slowly, "At least, I think he is." 

"Oro, where am I, de gozaru?" the red haired man said nervously, looking around. Kimberly stared at him in rapture and said slowly, "You're in Hogwartz, Kenshin-sama." Kenshin jerked again. "Warts, de gozaru??" Lavender Brown and Patty Patil over came their shock and rushed up to the desk, almost causing the startled rurouni to yelp and fall backwards. 

"He's so... so _beautiful_," they said in awe. Even through his nervousness, the swordsman twitched. _Beautiful? _Kimberly came to his aid. "Handsome," she said pertly, and hugged his arm. Kenshin "Oro"ed as he almost lost balance again, but she paid no attention. "Extremely handsome," she said again. Lavendar and Patty ignored her as well. 

"Look at his _face_!"

"It's so clean! And white! Like its pure, or something..."

"No warts, pimples, nothing!"

"Except for that ugly scar..."

Kimberly shot them a glare to hush them up about his old wound. She knew the story that went with it. Kenshin seemed ignorant, however, and asked again, "Warts? What are warts, de gozaru?" 

Lavendar dashed over and grabbed an acne-covered boy, who tried to evade her grasp but her glare was enough to make him obedient. She dragged him over, and plopped him over to Kenshin, who gave a loud "Oro!" and leaned backwards away from the boy. Overcoming his surprise, Kenshin said hesitantly, "Forgive me for asking, but what disease is that, de gozaru?"

The boy turned bright red, and Kim poked Kenshin's shoulder. "No disease, Kenshin! You see..." as Kimberly launched into a long lecture of how students here got acne, Hermione couldn't stand it. 

"Look here, Professor Flitwick!" The tiny professor blinked and turned to Hermione, who was motioning impatiently to her pillow, which she had summoned from her bed. "Ah, good job Miss Granger, 10 points," he peeped absent mindedly and turned his attention back to Kimberly and Kenshin, who looked confused at her explaining. 

After Kenshin sat there dumbstruck, Kimberly laid her hand on his reassuringly and said brightly, "Professor?"

The tiny old man blinked. "Class is, um..." she tapped her imaginary watch. "Ah!" he cried. "Alright then, class dismissed. Remember to practice the movement, everyone!" 

The students took this all in and slowly began to start their normal chatter, but everyone peered curiously at the red haired rurouni and the proud Kimberly. Kenshin looked nervous from all the attention, so Kimberly grabbed his hand and rushed out the door, dragging Kenshin with her, escaping the gawking students. 

Pit pat pit pat-

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see, hold on Kenshin."

I can't.... I can't believe...

"Whoa! Kim, what, who's-"

"No time to explain!"

I can't believe....he's really here...

Pit pat pit pat-

Kenshin Himura.....

This is...

"Um, please, could you let me down, de gozaru?"

"Gomenasai. In a bit! We need to get to-"

This is going to be so great!

WHAM! As they went around the corner, Kimberly collided with another classmate and Kenshin went flying, narrowly missing a suit of armor holding a rather authentic spear. 

"Oroooroooorooo....."

****

'This is going to be so great!'

~Owari~ 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

x_x That was difficult to write. I all seemed so funny in my head.....thats my trouble as a writer, conveying the image. Oro. *bonks herself on the head*. I know Kenshin didn't really seem that active...(mainly being dumbstruck and nervous) but he'll start to get his old attitude in later chapters. ^_^

Notes:

As some of you are extreme Harry Potter fans, you might remember that Summoning Charms were introduced in your 4th year, and were NOT basic, they were quite hard and Harry and company were studying them for their exams. You might also recall that Harry used the Summoning Charm to summon his Firebolt in his first Triwizard Challenge. Yes, the incantaion IS accio, but J.K.Rowling didn't really tell the movement. All she wrote was: "they raised their wands", etc. This is majorly AU concerning the wizarding world too, because right now, Kimberly and all the other students are still only in their 2nd year. ^_^ You'll see some stuff later on concerning the events of the Second book. 


	3. Dream Time 1

Dream Time 1

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Me: I had a dream last night...... * waves her hands mystically*

Yahiko: So what? Who cares.

*bonks him on the head*

Me: It wasn't just any stupid dream! It concerned Kenshin! 

Sanosuke: Dreaming of Kenshin, eh? *elbows Kenshin* Better watch out.

Me: SANOSUKE!!!

Kenshin: Maa, maa...

Me: Did you just say "Ma ma?"

Kenshin: *blushing* No!

Kaoru: You need to go over your transalation dictionary again.

Me: Oops... *bows head in apology* Well, anyway, my dream was really weird. Kenshin was a fairy.

Everyone shrieks "NANI??!!" followed by an outraged squeak from Kenshin.

Kaoru: Sanosuke, what have you been telling her?!

Sanosuke: What are you angry at me for? She's the one who dreamed Kenshin was a fairy!

Me: He was a very strange fairy.

Yahiko: Duh! All fairies are strange! That Kamatari dude was just crazy.

Me: Wha-? Whats Kamatari have to do with this? What are you all thinking?!

Yahiko: Don't act like we're the ones with dirty minds! You're the fairy dreamer!

Me: What are you talking about?! What's wrong with fairies?

Kaoru: Wait, exactly what kind of fairies are you talking about?

Me: *confused* The magical ones.

Everyone: Aaaah...

Kenshin sighs in relief.

Sanosuke: That's still dirty though.

Me: Huh?

Sanosuke: Aren't fairies the ones who dance in tu-tu's for an emperor?

Kaoru: Now who's the one with the dirty mind?!

Me: Of course not, you dolt! How dare you think I would dream of Kenshin in a tu-tu!!!! *is outraged*

Yahiko: But isn't Kenshin with a magical wand and a pair of wings just as bad?

Everyone: .........................

Me: *hangs head and walks over to Kenshin* You may hit me if you wish. *extends Kaoru's bokken to him*

Kaoru: Where'd you get that?!

Me: I stole it so you'd stop hitting him.

Kaoru: *steaming* Mou!

Me: Meow?

Kaoru: GO GET YOUR DICTIONARY!

Kenshin stares at the bokken consideringly.

Kenshin: Before I decide whether to hit you or not-

Me: Eeep! *thinking* _I didn't really think he'd consider doing it!_

Kenshin: Besides me being a fairy-

*Sanosuke and Yahiko snicker*

*Kenshin shoots them a glare*

Kenshin: What else did you dream?

Me: Well, it was all dark and I was feeling really gloomy for some reason, then you just appeared in a bright light and offered to grant me a wish.

Yahiko: *curiously* What did you wish?

Me: I don't know. *crestfallen* All I know is that Kenshin didn't grant it for me.

Everyone: Aww.

*Kaoru snatches the bokken and bonks Kenshin on the head*

Kenshin: Oro! 

Me: What was that for?

Kaoru: You're supposed to keep promises!

Me: BUT IT WAS A STUPID DREAM!!!

Kaoru: Huh?

Me: See, that's why I wanted to steal your bokken! Besides, if my dreams made Kenshin 

act the way he would, he wouldn't be a fairy and my head would make it so we'd just be 

at the dojo all alone and-

*freezes as she sees everyone looking at her*

Kaoru: At the dojo?

Yahiko: All alone?

Sanosuke: Hey, kiddo, what were you saying?

Me: *panicked* Ororooooooo.....

Kenshin: Please don't steal my word. Twice is too many. You already stole it when you zapped me to Hogwartz, de gozaru.

Me: Aaaaaah.....

Sanosuke: *prods her* Together all alone? What else, rabbit-girl?

Me: Uhhh, umm... leave me alone!

Yahiko: Look, she's turning red! Now she really is a sewer head! 

*Looks panicked then tries to make a run for it*

*Sanosuke and Yahiko chase her*

Yahiko: What were you saying??!!

Sanosuke: We oughta monitor those thoughts in your head, rabbit-girl!

Me: AAAAAAHH!! Leave me alone!!!! 

Both: HENTAI!

Me: STOPPIT!

*dashes out to the courtyard and runs in circles continuedly chased by Sanosuke and Yahiko*

Kenshin: Oro....*looks uneasy* I really wish I could stop those thoughts from her head.

Kaoru: *daydreaming*

Kenshin: K-Kaoru-dono?

Kaoru: *drooling* 

Kenshin looks at her warily then backs his way into the dojo to his room.

End!!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Notes:

Ha ha! I had a lot of fun with this one. Hm... *is listening to Heart of the Sunrise from Seisohen* I love this music. So beautiful.... *sighs* I can't wait to see Tsuikohen! I'm renting it, it's coming this weekend! *is excited* By the time you read this fic, tho, I'll probably have already seen it becuz it's gonna take a while before I actually put this on ff.net.

I actually did have a dream where Kenshin was a fairy. *YES, MYSTICAL KIND!!!*. Though he wasn't really a fairy. Like in this omake, it was really dark and gloomy, I was feeling sad, then this light came and suddenly Kenshin was there, like magic. He didn't have wings or a wand, nothing stupid. In fact, he wasn't really a fairy. It was more like he was a guardian, just showing up in my depressed state. And yes, though we exchanged no words *you know how weird dreams are* I knew that he was going to grant me a wish. And yes, I wished but I don't remember what, and yes, he didn't grant it. If he did, my dream would've turned into a grassy hill with him and me alone together. TO ENJOY EACHOTHER'S COMPANY. *looks at you warily* No, not that way. NOT THAT WAY!! How come almost everything a person says now can be taken in a bad way?! -_-; But no, right after I felt the dissapointment of the wish un-granted, my dream stopped and I think I just dreamed nothing.

You know the nickname Sanosuke gave me? Rabbit-girl? I'm sure its not only me, but I like to daydream hanging out with the K-gumi, so naturally since I'm a girl, I have to have an animal nickname, ne? I love rabbits. I like to have them as pets. I adore them. So in my daydreams, that became my nickname, "rabbit-girl." I know _usagi _is rabbit in Japanese, but I don't know how to say girl. I won't use _onna, *_means woman, I believe, please correct me if I'm wrong*, because I am not a woman yet. Rabbit-woman also just sounds weird. I also thought of using: _"Usagi-chan"_ in this omake, but I don't really know how it would transalate. Please tell me if you know. My Japanese is obviously really weak. I might not even know what an omake is!!! 0_0! Please tell me.

This is what I think _omake _might mean: short story, parody, silly short story. 

Something like that. If you have answers to my questions, I'd be really happy to hear them. Xie xie! 


	4. Interlude 1

Just an interlude ….

:D

Haha! Time to bore you! I just want to thank my reviewers. So great! You make my day!!!

*sends out imaginary chocolates to reviewers*

*Is dizzy with joy* OOooh, I'm getting such lovely reviews! Thank you thank you thank you!!!

Meanie: But you have only gotten 5 reviews in your whole career.

Me: ............;_;...Wait a sec..who cares! All mine were nice! Better to only get 5 then a Billion flames!! 

*dances around*

Meanie: Darn, she's too hyper today...

~

Yes....I know this is stupid, but I'm putting it on anyway. I just wanted to voice my extreme happiness at the reviews I've been getting. Heck, I've seen stories with over 300 reviews, *check out Akai Kitsune* but I'm in no hurry! ~Xie xie, hen duo xie!

As you'll notice, my stories are definately inconsistent. I mentioned it in the summary! I'll make sure the titles of the chapters show what story it's continuing out of, so when I put the next chapter of the Hogwartz fic you can jump right to it instead of skimming through all the other randomness I put after it.

:P Rurouni-Spread Insanity is just a collection of stupidness. Harhar. I love it! I'll just put all my whims into it. Sure, the Hogwartz stories could become their own little fic, but its stupid and short so I'll just keep it here. X_X! I have lots of ideas! The trouble is, will I ever get them down! Especially since I have a ton of homework left to do right now and I'm procrastinating!!! *Whaps herself* *Gotta work!*

~Xie xie, hen duo xie = Thank you, many thanks.

P.S. Did'ja notice I use the word "stupid" a lot? I seem to like that word. ^_^

P.S.S. First of all, is that how it goes??? PSS or PPS i dunno...) Yeah, also, if you think Kimberly from the Hogwarts fic is annoying, thats alright! ^_^; She is based off me! And I'm getting on your nerves, right? (haha). 

Basically I'm putting stupidness by Kenshin+Hogwartz+Crazed Fangirl (Me). Codename of course. Or not? Is my name Amy, or Kimberly? You'll never know!! Muhahaaha! So basically, I'm not trying too hard to make her lovable. She's just gonna be there to hug + fondle Kenshin all the while. Thats what I would do, after all! :P Well, bye! Hope I didn't waste your time with rants nobody cares about!

Meanie: You DID waste their time. Look how long your P.S.S. was!

Me: *slyly* P.S.S? or is it P.P.S...

Meanie: Shut up. *chases me with a mallet she stole from Sana from Kodocha*

Me: ORO!

Kenshin: QUIT USING MY WORD!!

P.P.P.S. or P.S.S.S.-And yes to Lucrecia LeVrai, I do know Mayo is a great voice for Kenshin (though I do prefer Mr. Hayworth since its in English, ya know?). But I just couldn't imagine a woman being mobbed by fangirls. Its just not right! Especially being hit by plastic-doohickys! 


	5. HogWartz: New Abilities

Hoggy's Warts, Chapter 2

"New Abilities"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Pit pat pit pat-

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see, hold on Kenshin."

'I can't.... I can't believe...'

"Whoa! Kim, what, who's-"

"No time to explain!"

'I can't believe....he's really here...'

Pit pat pit pat-

'Kenshin Himura.....'

'This is...'

"Um, please, could you let me down, de gozaru?"

"Gomenasai. In a bit! We need to get to-"

'This is going to be so great!'

WHAM! As they went around the corner, Kimberly collided with another classmate and Kenshin went flying, narrowly missing a suit of armor holding a rather authentic spear. "Oroooroooorooo....."

****

'This is going to be so great!'

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Plop! 

"Oro!"

"Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry!!!!" she cried shrilly, alarmed.

Kenshin blinked, and sweatdropped. "I'm alright, de gozaru. Don't be alarmed..." he stared at her. No one had ever fussed over him so much when he let out an "Oro". She must be very sensitive towards people's pain. He blinked then smiled, pleased at her kindness. However...a little _too _sensitive, if she was afraid he was hurt if she plopped him onto a bed...

~*~

Kimberly and Kenshin were in Kimberly's room, in the Gryffindor Girl's Tower. When she explained that to him, Kenshin balked. "Are you sure I should be in here? I wouldn't like to cause trouble, de gozaru." he said, sweat dropping with this kind of face:(^_^'). 

(Except the smile was more strained, if you know what I mean....he's afraid of being pummeled by girls, like what happens to Ranma from "Ranma 1/2" all the time.)

Kimberly laughed, nervously. "Haha, I'm sure my friends won't mind.." 

(*cough cough* She sure got that wrong!)

~*~

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh!!!!" cried Kochi.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEK!!" cried Isabel. 

"WHAT THE HELL?!"cried Sarah, who happened to have transferred here from America. (lol)

"YAAAAAAAAA!" cried Kim.

"What the hell are you yelling for?" cried Sarah.

"Yeah! You brought the guy here, right?" cried Isabel.

"Kami-sama," Kochi growled, putting a hand to her face.

Kenshin was sweating profusely by now. "I'll leave if this causes any inconvenience to you, de gozaru!"

Kochi stared. "De-? De gozaru?" she asked, bewildered.

"De gozaru?" Kenshin repeated, wondering why she had such a strange look on her face.

"De gozaru...?" Kochi asked again.

"De gozaru?" He repeated.

"De gozaru???"

"De gozaru??!!"

"De-"

"KOCHI!" Kim yelled.

"Sorry...!"

Then, spluttering, she turned to Kim. "I heard during Herbology that you summoned an incredibly pretty man-"

(Kenshin's face: (-_-'))

"But I didn't know you summoned _him_, your animated crush!"

Kimberly turned bright red. "Sh'up!!!" (Her way of saying "Shut up!")

But Kenshin didn't know what a "crush" was anyway, and neither what "animated" meant.

Kimberly, seeing that Kenshin had no idea what Kochi just said, immidietly turned chibi and floated around with hearts popping out of her. 

"Oh yes..." she said, twirling around with big goo-goo eyes. "I summoned him-! "I summoned the man of my dreams-"

(Kenshin twitched because he understood this, but otherwise let no other sign that he understood)

"And now he is here!!" she finished, spreading her arms. Her roommates sweatdropped, along with Kenshin. They immidietly shrieked.

"ACK! What's this glob on my head??!"

"Get it off, get it off!"

"Hey, it disappeared! Where the hell did it go?"

Kimberly fluttered around the room with big lovey-eyes. "Aha! Now that Kenshin is here, we can do anime stuff!" she sighed, and put a hand to her face, which showed signs of turning red in that floaty dream way anime people do (like when Kaoru got drunk). 

"I've always wanted to be a floating-heart-spouting-chibi!"

Isabel who happened to have watched_ some _comedy anime, rose a hand to call attention. 

"Does that mean...," she said hesitantly. "That we can beat eachother up and not really get hurt?"

New possibilities floated in all of the girl's minds. 

"You mean we can make our eyes swirl?"

"I can jump really high?"

"Who says you can jump really high??"

"Well Kim said that Kennin could jump really high-"

"It's KENSHIN, okay??! KENSHIN!"

(Kenshin jumped at her screaming)

"Sorry Kim-"

"I WANNA BE A CHIBI! I WANNA BE A CHIBI!" Sarah growled angrily.

"Um, Sarah, right now you have a volcanoe spouting from your head..."

"Huh? AAAAh! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!"

"There you go," Kimberly called joyously. "Now you're chibi!"

The three girls and Kenshin watched Sarah run around wildly in chibi form screaming for someone to put out the fire on her head. It was very amusing.

~*~

The girls spent most of their afternoon this way, ignoring that they were missing class (uh-oh).

1) They beat eachother up-

"Oroorooo...."

"Kenshin! Kenshin, are you okay?!"

"Kim, quit worrying, he's fine-"

"But he's been "Oro"ing and "swirly-eyeing" for a long time now-"

"I'm alright, de gozaru-"

"What?! BAKA! Why do you act like that if you're not even hurt!"

(SMACK!)

"ORO!"

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry Kenshin, I don't know what came over me-"

"JUST SHUT UP, KIM! **HE** **IS** **OKAY**!"

2) They made their eyes pop-

"Cool! Look how big mine can go!"

"Sarah, I don't think you should do that, that I don't-"

"What's up with the "that I don't" stuff, Kim?"

"I don't want to copy Kenshin."

"Then why don't you just stop, de gozaru?"

"Because I like that way of talking! It's so sweet!" (hugs herself and squirms)(Kenshin sweatdrops)

"Guys, I can't make it stop-"

"OH SHIT! SHIT!" (as she sees Sarah's eyes)

"Sarah!"

"AHH! Make it stop!!!"

"Oi! Now my eyes are getting big!"

"Mine too!"

"It's a chain reaction!"

"Kenshin! Help! How do you make it stop?!"

"I'm not sure, de gozaru."

"NANI??!"

"I never really noticed that I did those sort of things, de gozaru-"

"KENSHIN!!!!"

"Should we pop it?"

"POP IT?! Are you nuts?!"

"Hey, Kochi, get away from the needle-"

"KOCHI!! NOOOO!"

(All four girls simutaneously explode from exstensive eye-growth and after the rubble clears they are seen swirly-eyed and "Oro" ing on the ground. Kenshin looks peeved.)

"They're all copying me, de gozaru..."

3) They practiced face faulting-

"Whee! I'm fallin-OUCH!"

"Um, Isabel, I think you can only face fault when something weird happens or is said."

"What do you mean?"

"Like...er, listen, ok?"

(The three girls lean in to listen to Kimberly)

"I have a joke..."

(They lean closer)

"But I forgot."

(They all face fault then jump up angrily)

"THAT WAS STUPID!"

"Really!"

"But didn't you notice?"

"What?"

"You guys face faulted!"

"We did?"

"Yes!"

"Do it again!"

"I have a joke..."

(They all face fault)

"That is so stupid."

"Yeah, quit using old material, Kim."

"Hello?? You guys did it again..."

"Huh? OH! Hey, we're on the floor!"

"My face is flat!"

"No, its fading now."

"DO IT AGAIN!"

~*~

"WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU GUYS DOING??"

The girls got up from the floor and stared with uneasy-sweatdropping faces at Lavendar, who stood in the doorway. Lavendar eyed the wreckege, then shrieked as she spotted Kenshin. 

"He is a guy! What are you doing, letting him in here! He might spy on us!"

"Oro!"

"He's no perv! Sh'up!"

"Thats a problem. Where is he sleeping, Kim?"

"...With me?"

"AAAAAh!"

"EEEEEW!"

"NOOO!"

"NOT LIKE THAT YOU SLUDGE HEADS!!"

"Then how?"

"Can't he camp out here in the room? You guys know he's not bad, right?"

"Maybe we should just convince some boys to let him sleep in their room..."

"NO WAY! Who knows what they'll do to him?!"

"Sessha can take care of himself, de gozaru."

"No, you don't understand!" 

(Kimberly lowered her voice and motioned her roommates to come closer. Lavender watched them, warily)

"Kenshin's from the past, right?" The girls nodded.

"He doesn't know _things. _And look at him!"

The girls glanced over to Kenshin, who looked a little uneasy.

"As much as I hate to say it, he looks feminim."

"You mean, he looks like a girl."

"Kochi!"

"It's true!"

"Well... exactly. They might be rude to him."

All of the girls invisioned in their mind Kenshin sleeping on a blanket on a floor in the boy's room, and them teasing him for looking girly. All four invisioned Kenshin teary-eyed at the teasing.

"Awwwwwwwwww!!!" they cooed. Kenshin jumped.

"Okay, you convinced me!"  
"He's staying!"

"YES!!" Kim cheered. She pumped fist into the air.

They eyed her warily. "Why are you so happy?" Kochi finally asked. Kim flushed. "Um..er..."

Lavender interrupted. "You guys, we haven't even had dinner yet. But make sure you watch him!" She left, and Kimberly stuck her tongue out at her retreating back. Kenshin looked a little pale; he had peiced together what he had just heard. "I'm...sleeping here? With all of you?" 

Kimberly grinned. "Yes, don't worry! We won't cast you out to the enemy!" (:P)

That was exactly what Kenshin wanted. He'd rather sleep outside the castle then in a room with four young girls. "It doesn't seem proper, de gozaru," he pleaded, weakly. But Kim was already dragging him out the door. "C'mon, Ken-chan! Dinner!" Cries of "Yes" and "Yeah!" were heard as the other three girls followed, cheering. Kenshin "Oro"ed, but to no avail. 

~OWARI!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I know, the ending was too sudden. -_-;; I totally sidetracked from the original plan for this chapter. I guess I'll use it for the next one. *_* I've always wanted to have anime abilities! So as I typed, the girls trying out their new abilities came into the story, and wiped out the original storyline. Sort of choppy, if you ask me. Ah well. Next one comin soon, hopefully!


	6. Dream Time 2

****

Notes:

This has more swearing then I expected. 0_o. So you are warned. 

*__*= something happening or someone doing something.

(_____)= Um...you know in the manga they always have little sarcastic replies in smaller text? Well, that stands for that. It's like someone saying: "Sure, I like you! ...(Not.)" :P

(___)= also contains emoticons. (0_o) See, it's a face!! Okay, onwards!

~+~Dream Time 2~+~

Deep Man Voice: And now, it's time for.... *drum roll* ____ dream!!!

Fake Audience: YAAAAAAAAAYY!! (Let's see what weirdness she has cooked up in that strange little mind of hers!)

*Curtains pull to reveal abashed Me standing on a platform*

Me: Okay, you guys can go now.

Deep Man Voice: I want to stay!

Fake Audience: Us too!

Me: NO! No one can know of my embaressing dreams except for the K-gumi and the readers! NOW KAPOOSH! *boots Deep Man Voice and Fake Audience to the moon*

~+~

*Stupid stage disappears and the K-gumi and Me are just lolling at the dojo porch*

Kenshin: So what did you dream this time, de gozaru?

Me: Er.... (X_X') I'm not telling!!

Sanosuke: Oi! You just said the only ones who you'd tell your dreams to are us and the readers!

Me: Um, er, I LIED! *hides face in hands*

Kaoru: *whispering to Misao* It must be really bad if she doesn't even want to tell _us_.

Me: *yelping* HOW DID SHE GET HERE!? AND HOW DID HE!?! *points dramatically to Aoshi who is drinking tea and brooding under a tree*

Misao: (^_^) Well, figuring that you probably forgot us the last time you told a dream, Lord Aoshi and I decided to come over so you wouldn't repeat the mistake!! (It _was _a mistake, right?)

Me: Riiight... (No, it wasn't)

Misao: ......*demon eyes*

*A tense moment. It looks like a fight could occur, but then Yahiko takes a flying leap and kicks Me in the head*

Yahiko: HURRY AND 'FESS UP, SISSY!!

Me: EXCUSE ME??!!

K-gumi: (o_0')

Sanosuke: Sissy?

Yahiko: (-_-') Well hey, Kaoru's taken "Ugly"- *Kaoru bonks him on the head* -and Sanosuke's the "Moron"- *another hit, distributed by Sanosuke*-and Yutaro's the Brat- *Yutaro sneezes in Germany*- so there isn't much left I can call her without being a jerk.

Me: *sniffs* Well thank you for being soooo considerate, Yahiko-chan.

Yahiko: Stop calling me "chan"!! :(

Kenshin: *coughs to get attention* Please proceed with your dream, ____. 

Sanosuke: *grinning* Eager to see what she's dreamed of you next, huh? *elbows him*

Kenshin: (^_^;) Sano, if you keep making references to the fairy incident, sessha may feel a need to spar with you, de gozaru.

Sano: Eh? (A little slow on the uptake)

Yahiko: *whispering to him* He'll kick your ass.

Sano: Oh.

Me: Well, it wasn't Kenshin..who I dreamed about...

K-gumi: *thinking* This could get interesting....

Me: Okay....well...I don't remember too much....but...

*Everyone leans in closer except for Aoshi, who is staring at his tea leaves with moderate interest*

Me: It was all black, see, but then...there was a guy I recognized from RK.....

*Everyone scoots closer*

...

......

Me: So, this guy just pops up in the black, and he has a whitish glow on 'im....er...

....

*Readers: *thinking* Hurry the fuck up, girl!!*

........

...........

Me: So he just sort of appeared....

Sanosuke & Yahiko: *thinking* Please don't be me, please don't be me-!

Me: *rushedly* Andsothenthiswhitishglowappearsanditbecomesclearerandit'sSaito.

Everyone: WWWHAAAAAAAAAT???!!!!!

Readers: WHHHHAAAAATTT??!!!?!

Aoshi: PPPPPPPpppppplllllrhhghh! *He's spitting out his tea. (^_^')*

(X_X) !!! ... (0_0)' ...!!.

.(@_@) ...??

?...(0_o) .!!! (x_X'') ...!! (.')

Sanosuke: SAITO?! What the hell are you doing dreaming of that guy?!

Me: *wailing* It's not my fault! My brain is stupid! I'd rather dream of _Sanosuke _then him!!

Sanosuke: *thinking* Should I take that as a compliment or an insult?...

Kenshin: *cautiously* What did he do?

*K-gumi shudders as they wonder what Saito did*

Me: Like, my vision zoomed close up to his face-....but then he just turned around and disappeared. *sighs in relief*

*The K-gumi sighs in audible disappointment. Aoshi looks slightly put out* 

Me: *accusingly* It's like you want me to dream him doing something weird or disgusting!

Misao: Well of course! Why do you think we wouldn't want to see that crazy-psycho-cop get goofed up?

Saito: Is that my name, then?

*The K-gumi yelps and jumps. I scream and claw out my eyes*

Saito: My wife was concerned that I was catching a cold with all that sneezing, but I knew it was just you lot. So kindly shut up.

Yahiko: Try saying that again! *waves his bokken*

Sanosuke: Yeah, rabbit-girl was just entertaining us 'bout a dream-

Me: OKAY ROOSTER, THAT IS ENOUGH!!!!!

Sanosuke: -concernin' you.

Saito: *glares* Oh, is that so?

Me: omigodomigodomigodomigod-

Kaoru: She's cracked!

Me: *wailing* I don't wanna dream of Saito!!!! He's scary and mean!!!!!!!

Saito: *his eye twitches* Exactly what did you dream?

Me: Not tellin'! You're just scary to be around with. (^_^) *****smiles* I'll just have to build an outer wall of protection against you to twist my feelings about you. *daydreams* Er...you are....a nice pet wolfy!

Yahiko: Now he's gonna kill you for sure!

Me: No he's not! He's a nice shaggy wolf who kills other predators so the little bunnies like me can live in herbevor-ic peace!.

Saito: A WOLF OF MIBU CAN NEVER BE TAMED!!! *takes out his sword* 

Me: WAAAAAAAAAh waaaaaaaah waaaaaaaaaaah waaaaaaaaaaaaah-

*Deep Man Voice & Fake Audience drop back down from the moon*

Me: AAAAAaaaaaaaah, waaaaaaaah, aaaaaaaah, waaaagh-

Deep Man Voice: And that is all for today's show! Toodles for now!

Fake Audience: Yaaaay! *claps*

*Saito gets loose and chases me around the dojo*

Me: OH KAMI-SAMA!!!!!!

Saito: GGGGGRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Deep Man Voice: And that is really it. Go eat a cookie or something. Or better yet, review! Or even better, check out _____'s other fics. Now shooo!

*screams are heard in the backround*

THE END!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Gomen! Lo siento! SORRY! That was just freaky. Just so you know....:

I do _not _hate Saito. I think he is an interesting man and I really like his "Aku Soku Zan" code. Truth be told, if I were to choose which rule matches me best, I'd be an "Aku Soku Zan" then a non-killer who was considerate to my enemies like Kenshin. I am a very vengeful person. ^_^'' The dream: The first half of the fic was true. It was all black, then Saito appeared with a glow surrounding him. Now, my question to my brain is...WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO RETARDED??!! Though I am ok with Saito like I said earlier, I do NOT want that man lurking in my dreams! Really, if my brain was my friend, it would help me dream of Kenshin! (Kenshin's so sweet. ^^) My brain is more like an enemy! The only dreams I have with Kenshin are the sad depressing kinds when you're trying to get to a person but never reaching them! ;_; Also, I know this was really freaky, and I'm sorry. See, I figured if I ended it with me just telling my boring dream of Saito appearing in the black and disappearing, it'd be too boring. So I tried to twist it to be weirder to entertain. -_-; That's all! 

Bye! 

P.S. Thank you Sakura Butterfly for being a constant reviewer and reader!

P.S.S. I have the idea for the next Hogwartz chapter!! It's just really boring right now, and needs more filling. ^_^


	7. A Whole New World!

****

Rurouni Spread Insanity: "A Whole New World"

__

*Watch in horror as the cast of RK sing their own version of "A Whole New World" from Disney's Aladdin. Read at your own risk*

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

****

Yahiko: This is stupid.

****

Me: I know.

****

Yahiko: 0_o' You know this is absoloutely pointless yet you're making us do it anyway?

****

Me: Heheh, gomen. But I haven't written anything for the fans, de goza-

****

Kenshin: Ano, haven't we discussed this already? 

****

*I nod and bow apologetically, then disappears in a puff of pink smoke*****

Kaoru: Kenshin, please just get it started-!

****

*Kenshin nods meekly and takes a breath*****

Kenshin: 

A Whole New World! 

That is what I wished to see- 

So I took up my sword,

and killed many men,

with the Hiten Mitsurugiiiiii-

****

Victims: Hitokiri!

0_o'' .' *_*' ~__~' 0_0;

(Kenshin: That was strange, de gozaru.

****

Me: *shrugging* Oh well. It rhymed.**)**

Kaoru: 

A Whole New World!!!

A vagabond did rescue me-

And more boarders came,

I was not alone,

So happy, oh was me-

Yahiko: That was terrible.

*Kaoru launches to attack, but is restrained by Kenshin*****

Yahiko: 

A Whole New World!

I was saved by-

er-

Kenshin-y-

Kenshin: ^__^'' oro..Yahiko...? ... 

Yahiko: It had to rhyme.....er..

****

Yahiko: 

Trained in Kamiya Kasshin,

by Busu-Ugly,

I will soon become real strong-

****

*Kaoru breaks free and proceeds to beat up Yahiko*

Sanosuke: ........This is shit.

Kaoru: Sanosuke!

****

Sanosuke: There's no way I'm singing!

Megumi: Don't force him, Kaoru. A rooster-head like him doesn't have the mental intelligence needed to make up even one lyric, ohohohoh!

Sanosuke: ..... *his temple is throbbing*

Aoshi: ...........

Misao: Come on, Lord Aoshi!

Aoshi: ...........No.

Misao: Oh, all right. *cheers up* Then I'll just have to sing for both of us!!

Misao: 

A Whhhh_hHHHHoO_OO**OO**LLLe_eee**e**_eeeEEEE NEEeee**Eee_eEEWW_WWWWW** WO_OR_Rrrr**rRRR**R_LLLLDD_D**DD**!!!!!!!!!!

All: MISAO!!! (that hurt)

Misao: Oh come on, I'm not that bad! *opens her mouth to sing again*

****

*The group promptly gags her*****

Hiko: As none of you seem to be able to sing properly, I guess it's up to me to provide entertainment.

Kenshin: Sh-sh-sh-sh-SHISHOU?!?!

Hiko: *in deep voice*

A Whole New World!!!

Kenshin: Oh, Kami-sama.

Hiko:

I am the Master 

of Hiten Mitsurugi!

I can do anything; just look and see!

I managed to train, my baka deshi!

*Kenshin's face is a mix of embaressment, anger, and annoyance. Interesting mix, ne?*****

*All of the sudden, a crack appears from the ground and a pillar of stone rises from it. On it are Shishio and Yumi*****

*Kaoru and Megumi looked shocked at her clothes*****

Sanosuke: Shishio!

Kaoru: That's Shishio? (Man, he's freakier looking than I thought!)

Shishio: Hahahha! That's right, Battousai! I have come back to conquer Japan and boast that I am the best in this singing contest! For I am the strongest; I have conquered Hades and his kingdom of Hell!!!

Kenshin: *thinking* He's quite ambitious, that he is...

Shishio: 

A Whole New World!!

That is what I shall bring!

Japan shall be mine, 

The Weak shall die,

and all will bow to me!

*A spout of flame rises from Hell as a finishing touch*****

Yumi: That was wonderful, Lord Shishio!!

****

*Everyone else is dumbstruck*** **

Misao: I hate to say it, but that _was _pretty good.

****

*Kaoru jumps*****

Kaoru: *thinking* How'd she do that? (I'm sure I tied that gag tight....)

Yumi:

A Whole New World!!

That's what Lord Shishio shall make!

And I'll stand by his side,

full of pride,

Japan's triumphant Queen!

Kamatari: I should've known a peacock like you wouldn't stay dead for long. Hello, Lord Shishio!!! 

****

Yumi: Ah, and I should've known a _man_ like you wouldn't leave Lord Shishio alone for long either.

****

*They growl and launch at each other*****

*Pops out from nowhere*

Me: Hello all! Having fun?

****

*Gags as Sanosuke shakes her*****

Sanosuke: HOW DARE YOU PUT US IN THIS SITUATION! THERE IS NO WAY I AM GOING TO SING FOR THEM!!! *points wildly at the Sano-fans*

****

*Kenshin pulls Sanosuke off and waves his hands disarmingly*****

Kenshin: But Sanosuke, it really isn't as bad as you think it is, de gozaru.

****

Sanosuke: *through gritted teeth* THERE IS NO WAY!!

****

Me: Okay, okay! (But maybe next time...)

****

Sanosuke: Che. (Whatever)

****

Me: Well, that is all for today, folks! Sorry to put you through such meaningless and strange cra-

****

Yahiko: What you put _them _through?! What about us? We had to sing a version of the song from a weird cartoon movie!

****

Sanosuke: Why don't you sing for us and teach me how it's done, Usagi-chan.

****

Me: Ano....uh.. ***sweatdrop***

Yahiko: Come on already!

****

Me:

Ai ya!.....er...

A...Whole New World.....

****

*is freaked out*****

Sanosuke: *thinking* That'll show her.

****

Me:

I do lots of crazy things...

but I'll be all right, I'll keep my pride,

as long as I'm with the K-gumi........

****

Kaoru: Good job!

****

Kenshin: That was fine, de gozaru.

****

Me: *hopeful* ....Really?

****

Kenshin: Yes, of course! (Oro...)

Kaoru: You did a good job... (Um...)

****

Me: Well..who gives a damn!? I'm the freaking author! I hearby proclaim that Rooster-head over there must give a gigantous biggy finale song next time to make up for his lack of participation this session!

****

Yahiko: WHAT?! You mean we'll have to do this again?!

****

Me: *shrugging* We'll see what happens. 

****

*grins evily as an image of Yahiko in a pink bunny suit skipping through the fields passing out Easter Eggs appears in her mind*****

Yahiko: Oh, shit.

****

Me: Well, this is truly all for now! Watch out for next chapter, cuz I've just gotten a brain storm!

~End!~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

****

Ah, well that was freaky. I don't know why I did it. I saw a girl today wearing an Aladdin backpack, and as I waited for my parents to pick me up from school, I started daydreaming. First was Aladdin, and the scene from the back pack was them out the Magic Carpet singing "A Whole New World". Suddenly, Aladdin was replaced by Kenshin. Oh, God! The rest just formed from there. ^ ^' I dunno if that scared you, but it sure scared me. I advise you to try and **not **envision the characters singing these verses. It's terrifying. Well, so long for now!

Review Reply:

Sakura Butterfly: Thanks for being a constant reviewer. I really appreciate it! ^^' Really, I dunno why Saito appeared! **I don't want him there! GET OUT OF MY HEAAADDDDD!!!! ***bangs head repeatedly on wall*

****


	8. Helpings of History

*Notes: This is really weird. I typed it up to help me study for a History Test, then decided to post it. ^^' If you want to get some nice healthy doses of History with an occasional interruption from random ppl, feel free to read.*

****

Teaching History:

~~*~~

Me: Yo! Listen up!

Sanosuke: *slightly muffled because of the fish bone in his mouth* What is it?

Me: Did you know I have a History test on the American Revolution??

Yahiko: The Ame-ican whazziz? (Spelling error on purpose. Do you think he'd be able to say "America" on his first try?)

Me: *sigh* It's the war which led America to become a nation of it's own. 

Yahiko: America is a nation? Where is it? (0_o)

Me: It's located in the continent of North America. Ya' know? Along with Canada? And _____?!

Yahiko: Huh?

Me: You've heard of _England _at least, right?

Kaoru: I think so. It was mentioned in the newspaper once or twice; representatives from that nation have come to Japan to discuss trade and such I think. 

(( ^ Made up. However, that probably happened _some _time in history))

Me: Yes. Over a 100 years ago, people from Britain and other places had moved to the land that was going to be known as "America". They moved to escape famine, religious persecution, etc. Around 113 years ago*, an Act known as the Stamp Act was placed on the people living in the colonies. The Act was of course ordered from England, who still held control over them. The Stamp Act meant that the people would have to pay taxes for all the stamps they used.

*((In the timeline of RK, it is 1878 when Kenshin was living with Kaoru & the rest of the K-gumi, so as I am talking to them, I am using their year. The events listed actually happened about 238 years ago, as this year is 2003.))* 

Yahiko: But why was that so bad? Isn't it only fair?

Me: Well....^_^' A war between France and England, known as the French and Indian War-

Kaoru: But didn't you say it was a war between France and England? What is the "Indian" for?

Me: It's actually pretty stupid. The French and most of the Native Americans, also known as Indians, sided together against England. They lost.

Sanosuke: Bummer for them.

Me: ^_^' Yeah. Well, for some reason it's called the "French and Indian War", even though they were allies. Well, as I was saying, Britain/England won, but it had lost a **lot **of money due to the costs of war. Because of the war, lots of their money was gone, so they wanted to tax the Colonists a lot so they could get the money back. 

****

Jackie Chan & Chris Tucker:   
War! huh-yeah  
What is it good for?  
Absolutely nothing  
Say it again y'all

War! huh good God  
What is it good for?  
Absolutely nothing  
Listen to me?

Ohhh? War! I despise  
Because it means destruction?  
Of innocent lives  
War means tears  
to thousands of mothers eyes  
When their sons go to fight  
and lose their lives

I said - War! Huh Good God y'all  
What is it good for?  
Absolutely nothing  
Say it again 

K-gumi & Me: **0_o'' .... X_X' .... @_@ .... *_* .... 0_o ..... +__+'**

*Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker bow and hop away*

Me: Oro.

Kenshin: What did I tell you about using my word?!

Me: -__-' Fine. Ara.

Kenshin: 0_0

Me: Ok, what was I saying? Oh yeah, the **Stamp Act was in 1765**. They placed the Acts to collect money to repay for debts caused of their war. Anyway, Yahiko, it wasn't fair because the stamps weren't just for letters or anything, they were for _anything _that was a printed material! You had to buy stamps and place it on _everything_, like newspapers, legal documents, even playing cards. 

Sanosuke: Damn! 0_o

Me: ^_^' Yeah, exactly! So the colonists got mad, of course. They complained and kept saying "no taxation without representation".

Kaoru: Oh. (That sounds bad.)

Me: (I know). Well, Britain didn't exactly want all the Colonists to get up in their faces, so they lifted the Stamp Act.

Yahiko: And.....?

Me: So the Stamp Act was gone... But then they put down another Act that made youpay_ tax for glass, paint, paper and tea_. -_-'

Kenshin: D'oh!

Me: 0_o' Then do I get Oro now?

*Homer Simpson rips a hole in cyberspace and thunders after Kenshin*

Homer: YOU DIRTY LITTLE- *chokes Kenshin*

Kenshin: WUAHHHGHHH! *gags*

Kaoru: Kenshin!

Me: AH! STOPPIT! *boots Homer to outer space where he explodes and rains donuts down on Russia*

Me: ......Shall I continue?

*The K-gumi nods*

Sanosuke: *thinking* I wonder what other freaks will show up after this little history lesson is over...

Me: *coughs* Erm...oh yes, the tax on paper, paint, glass, and tea. This was called the **Townshend Acts**, and it was placed in** 1767**. And ya know, why did the British think _this _would help? They'd only get madder. 

Kaoru: Mou! The injustice! *thinks about her own tax paying days* Grrr....

Me: Yup. So after riots and such, the British took that away too. But then, later on, in **1768**, King George the 3rd, who was the current ruler of Britain, _sent soldiers to Boston_, a city at the Colonies. The Colonies' citizens were a little annoyed, because...

*reaches into her pockets and gets 3 finger puppets. Two are British soldiers, one is a Colonial citizen*

*Puts them on and wiggles them at each other*

*Puts on a high voice*

C.C.: We do not have food to spare! Please go away!

Soldier1: No! FEED ME! I'm hungry!

Soldier2: Yes! Hungry! And I need a nice comfy bed!

C.C.: But I only have enough food for my wife and daughters! And only one bed!

Soldier2: Okay then! Go sleep in the pig sty!

*Makes C.C. cry*

C.C.: Boohoo, boohoo, you boohoos!

*The K-gumi stares at her like she is crazy*

C.C: Go away!

Soldiers: No!

C.C.: Shoo! Shoo!

Soldiers: Nope! We have the rights from the King to be able to eat your food and sleep in your house!

C.C.: D'oh! *flails arms*

*Looks up to see the K-gumi gawking at her*

Me: Heheheh....

Yahiko: Looney.

Me: *coughs* Er...so that was the **Quartering Act**. The people in the Colonies were forced to let the British soldiers occupy their homes, or quarters.

Sanosuke: Lemme guess. They murdered all the soldiers in their sleep, right?

Me: 0_o'' Wrong. They put up with them, though not without displaying their anger. With all the tension, later on in **1770**, the **Boston Massacre **happened. 

*Kenshin looks up*

Kenshin: A massacre?

Me: Ha! ^_^' *waves hands* Don't worry, don't worry, only around five or something people died! ^_^'

Kenshin: -__-'

Me: We don't know for sure, but some guy made a wise crack to the British soldiers to scrub a toilet or something like that. 0_o' Which resulted in the soldiers getting angry and shooting a couple guys.

Kenshin: *thinking* How can she talk about it so lightly? 0_o'

Me: *oblivious* So yeah, in **1770**, the **Boston Massacre **happened. Then later on, in **1773**, the** Boston Tea Party **occured.

Yahiko: 0_o' What's so important about a Tea Party?

Me: It was no ordinary Tea Party. You see, the Townshend Acts had still been going on, but sometime before, I'm afraid I don't know the exact date, all of the taxes were lifted on everything except tea.

Sanosuke: So? At least they didn't tax the Sake, eh? *elbows me*

Me: -__-' They don't have Sake, Sanosuke. Tea was their main drink. So it seemed like a lot to them. Then a bunch of protestors dressed up as Mohawk Indians, boarded a ship transporting tea, and dumped the tea into the harbor. ^_^ 

Kaoru: How creative. 

Me: Yeah.

Yahiko: Bad for the fish, though.

Me: Yup. After that, it was Britain's turn to get angry! *takes out puppets again*

*The K-gumi watches warily*

Soldier1: Gimme back the tea!

Soldier2: Yeah, pay for it!

C.C.: NO! It's your fault for taxing us so much! MWUHAHAHA!

*puts puppets away*

Me: So, all in all, Britain was pissed. They then passed many laws, acts, whatever, and these were called the **Intolerable Acts**. Some of these acts were that the _British closed the Boston Harbor_, _which prevented trade and imported goods _until the Colonies would pay for the cost of the tea they threw overboard.

Kenshin: That sounds fair, de gozaru.

Me: I think so too. I mean, it was a waste of tea. ^^' But they also passed an act that said that _nobody, _anywhere, could have town meetings without their consent. They also enforced the Quartering Acts some more, and rearranged the Quebec Provinces' borders so that it claimed more land.

Yahiko: Yeah, yeah.

Me: Yes, very boring, ne? However, you need to know about America, because Sanosuke will be traveling there one day!

Sanosuke: Says who?

Me: Says the psychic manga reader. Poosh.

Kaoru: SANOSUKE DON'T GO!! *wails*

Kenshin & Sanosuke: -_-'

Sanosuke: I'm not going anywhere Jou-chan!

Kaoru: Really? *waff*

Me: Stop acting like a cannon pairing! *kicks her over to Kenshin*

*Freezes*

Me: 0_0' I can't believe I just did that! Kaoru, get back over to Sanosuke and leave Kenshin to me!

Kaoru: Okay!

Kenshin: Kaoru-dono!?

*Suddenly, a fat baby with a bow and arrow flies down to the dojo*

Kenshin: Hewo widdle baby! What is you doing with a widdle weapon? Googoo gachoo- ORO!

*The baby takes out a cigar and kicks Kenshin in the face*

Cupid: Shut up already! I hate people like you. How's a kid supposed to learn proper English around guys like you?

Kenshin: Oro? I thought we were Japanese?

Me: It's messed up. Don't dwell on it.

*Cupid suddenly points at me*

Cupid: You! You were the one that made Kaoru fall for Sanosuke!

Me: Moi? *flutters eyes innocently*

*Cupid looks like hes gonna barf*

Cupid: Now suffer the consequences! 

*Shoots Kaoru*

Kenshin: Kaoru-dono!

*Kaoru faces Kenshin*

Kaoru: KENSHIN! *latches onto him and purrs*

Me: (;_;) STOP THAT! (T_T)'

*Kenshin has a weird expression*

Kenshin: Oro....

Cupid: This ain't gonna work. 

*Shoots Kenshin*

Me: NooooOOOOOoooooooo!!!!

Kenshin: Kaoru-dono! I love you!

Kaoru: Oh Kenshin! *cries happily*

Me: I'm heartbroken, and sick!

Yahiko: Ditto with the last one.

Me: Your fault! Die, you stupid overweight shrimp!

*Cupid bursts into tears*

Cupid: It's not my fault! I try, but I can't stop eating sugar! Wahahahaaaaaaaa!

*Flies away*

Sanosuke: ....................

Yahiko: ...........

Me: *sniff* Ken..shin...

*Kenshin and Kaoru ignore me*

Me: Ken....shin....

*Still ignoring*

Me: Ken...shin....Ke....KENSHIN HIMURA GET YOUR *** OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!

Kenshin: Oro?

Kaoru: Teehee, that is so cute!

Kenshin: Really? Oro oro oro oro!

Me: I'M _DYING_ FROM **DISGUST** AND **HEARTBROKEN-NESS!** QUIT IT ALREADY!

Kaoru: It's your own fault you know! You're the one who wanted to bring in Cupid to relieve the readers from your History talk.

Me: Oh right, I'm the author! Kaoru, I hearby make your feelings for Kenshin disappear and Kenshin's feelings all towards me! Mwuhaaha!

Kenshin: Wistful-Eyes! 

Me: 0_o' *thinking* Maybe I should change my penname so it sounds more normal...

Kenshin: I love you!

Me: XD

*Kenshin leaps towards me*

Me: Wait a sec...this is just too weird. It's only my fic talking! You don't love me! I hearby erase your memories of the Cupid incident!

*Kenshin face-faults to the ground*

Kaoru: Kenshin, what are you doing?

Kenshin: I don't know, Kaoru-dono! Someone must have said something weird.

Me: Aye. Okay, on with history. -__-' (Please please, no more freaks!)

Me: Er...Right! Intolerable Acts! Well, after that, in **1774**, the first **Continental Congress **met!

K-gumi: *Yawn*

Me: I know that already! Boring! Then in **1775**, the second C.C. met!

K-gumi: *Yawn*

Me: And in the same year, the **Revolutionary War **started because of the battle of Lexington! The Colonials and the British faced off. Apparently, the "shot heard around the world" was fired there, but to this day, no one knows who fired the first shot!

K-gumi: *Snore*

Me: 0_o Hey! It's a war! Aren't you interested?

K-gumi: *Snore snore*

Me: Fine! Jeez. The year after that, in **1776**, the **Declaration of Independence **was written, along with a pamphlet called "Common Sense" which I do not remember at all what it was about.

K-gumi: *Snore snore Yawn Snore*

Me: *_*' Er.... And...and after that, the French joined the Colonies to fight against the British.

K-gumi: *Snore snore Honk Yawn Snore*

Me: The heck?! This was actually pretty interesting to me! See, you know how Britain and France seem to be "enemies"? So basically, the French.... *reaches for puppets*

K-gumi: *Snore Yawn Honk Sno-* NO! NO MORE PUPPETS!

Me: ^_^ Too late!

Frenchie: Ze British are ze eevil vones! Let us vee if ve Colonials can defeat thim.

Colonial: Hey hey! We've just won a battle against the British John Burgoyne at Saratoga!

Frenchie: Ze Colonials have von? They have a chance! Ve shall join you in ze vattle! And ze British can kiss our vatoockies!

Me: So after the victory at Saratoga, the French saw that the Colonials might actually win, thus, deciding to join with them!

Yahiko: Cowards. If they wanted to fight the British, they shouldn't have waited until advantage was shown. You're supposed to fight for what you believe in even if there looks like there is no hope! Don't they have any pride?

*Bonks Yahiko*

Me: They were fighting to gain land and money and power. Whaddaya say to that?

Yahiko: Oh.

Kenshin: Not at all like the Revolution here in Japan.

Me: Yup. So, all in all, the _French joined the Colonials _in **1778**. After that, it gets pretty boring for me.

K-gumi: *Snore snore*

Me: In **1781** the **Articles of Confederation **were written except the Articles of Confederation was a stupid piece of crap because they said you paid taxes only if you _wanted to, _so whoever came up with that rule is stupid because how the heck would they *deep breath* get money if taxes were voluntary because then no one would pay of course, doofus -plus, they made a bunch of other laws like no single court order so every state had about a completely different system so it was *deep breath* hard to do trials between states and in **1783**the **Treaty of Paris **was signed in Paris, doi, to signify the end of the Revolution, and after that, America was formed of the 13 Colonies and so then-

K-gumi: *struggling to keep up* *Snore snore snore Yawn Honk honk Snore Yawn yawn Honk Snort-*

Sanosuke: Okay, who snorted? We were on a role!

Kenshin: Sessha did, de gozaru. Sorry. 

Me: *face is turning purple* So after a couple of years in **1786** **Shays Rebellion **happened this guy named Daniel Shays was a farmer and because of the stupid freaking Articles of Confederation said taxes were optional, they were taking away farms for something I don't really know don't listen to me except I got the date and event right but I don't really know anything about this except he was also a farmer and they got angry at the government and-

****

*POP!*

.......

........

.............

........

....................

Kenshin: Oro.

Yahiko: That's what she gets for trying to talk about history. Its so boring!

Kaoru: Hey! Kenshin made history. You think he is boring?

Yahiko: No, but _that _was just boring! Was there any Hitokiri Battousai's in the American Revolution? Nooo. Did we dump tea into a harbor? Noooo. It's all just messed up!

Me: *wheezing* I....*wheez* heard *wheez*....that! *falls over*

Sanosuke: Oi, she's still alive!

Kenshin: Let's bury her somewhere so she won't twist us ever again!

K-gumi: 0_o

Kaoru: Kenshin??

Kenshin: That wasn't me talking, de gozaru! It was the author!

*An evil voice chuckles and the K-gumi gasps as the body is gone*

*They look up in the sky to see Giant Evil Me*

Me: HAHAHA! That is right! You will never get rid of me! Even if I am dead and gone, this fic will still be here, and you shall be caught in this freaky trap till the end of time! And I am not the last! There will be others who shall put you in insanity! MWUHAHAHA!

*Pops again*

.........

......

Kenshin: I shall cook dinner, Kaoru-dono?

Kaoru: All right.

Yahiko: Yay! Busu isn't cooking!

Kaoru: Yahiko!

*attacks*

Sanosuke: Make fish, 'k Kenshin? This fish bone is getting worn out.

Kenshin: 0_0'

***Owari***

Hahaha! How did you like that? Seriously, I was writing this to help study for a History Test (I'd read it over after I was done) but I didn't finish it on time. But then since I was half-way through, I decided to just finish it and post it. If you ever have a test coming up on the events that led to the Revolution specifying on the dates, this would be good to read I suppose. ^^' Sorry if all the boring history made you suffer too much. 

About everyone thinking that the random peeps who popped up were freaks, I don't really mean it, it was just for humor. True, Homer Simpson is a freak (nice way) and so is Cupid, but Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker aren't freaky. Well, in this fic they were, so gomen nasai to them! ^^'

Also, you know at the last chapter I said I had gotten a brain storm?? Well, I really did. Its just, it will be pretty long I'm guessing so I can't post it yet. So, watch out! Till next time!

Go on! Press the Review button and make me happy. ^^ :P


	9. Whose Your Daddy?

Oh kiddies… I'm baa-aack!!!    ~Ack, that didn't sound right. Doesn't help that probably I'm just as old as most of you guys.~     Anyways, for those of you that were actually hoping this would get updated, sorry for taking so long. I considered my other also un-completed fic (Holiday Jollies) to be part of this too, so I took an extra long break. Go read that if you want more stuff. :P

Anyway, I just got this little idea while I was eating at a Chinese resturant…those places are magical! ^_^ Prepare…….for terrible lines and freaky relationships! Wistful-Eyes brings you….

**Whose Your Daddy?!?**

_~Prologue~_

The Kenshin-gumi are having an enjoyable day lounging around out on the dojo porch… until Kenshin's super senses pick something up!

"Sessha smells….sessha smells…."

Kaoru: Smells? Don't you mean, sense their chi?

Kenshin: No. Smell!

Kaoru: (T_T) ….

*Kenshin sniffs the air for a while longer, and then a look of complete terror appears on his face*

Kenshin: Oh no….No! Everyone, run-

Sanosuke: Ken-?

*BANG goes the dojo gates and in comes…*

Me: KENSHIN!!!!!!! It's been so long!! (^_^)!!

Kenshin: AIEEEEE!!!!

*tries to run away but Kaoru and Sanosuke grab him*

Kaoru: Oh, hello! It has been a while, hasn't it!

Kenshin: Sano, Kaoru-dono, let sessha GO!!!!!!

Me: ('_';;)?? Kenshin? Why are you acting…afraid of me??

Kenshin: You are the one who threatened to put sessha in a toga, de gozaru! Sessha has a right to be afraid!

Me: (-_-;) ……..True….I did promise that…but Kenshin…. There's something else you should be afraid of….

*leans close to his ear*

Me: Kenshin…..**I AM YOUR FATHER!!!!!**

Kenshin: (0_0x)!! AAAAAAAAIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!

Sanosuke: WHAT THE HELL?!

Yahiko: She's snapped!!!

Kaoru: BUT-!!! She's a she!!! (right?!)

Me: I'm sorry….evil…brain storm…taking over chapter…. 

*collapses and grabs Kenshin's gi* 

Me: You all must run! RUN!!!

Kenshin: THAT'S WHAT SESSHA SAID EARLIER, DE GOZARU!!

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

Sanosuke: Yahiko.

Yahiko: Yeah?

Sanosuke: I'm your father.

Yahiko: ……….

Sanosuke: *stumbles away*

Yahiko: *twitch* He's been drinking…right?

~     ~     ~     ~     ~

*At Mount Hiei (Shishio's headquarters)*

Kenshin:  Soujirou…. I do not wish to fight, that I do not.

Soujirou: (^_^) Well, Himura-san, I'm afraid you have no choice. Shishio-sama has instructed me to do battle with you, and I intend to do as he says. 

Kenshin: But Soujirou…. I am your father!

Soujirou: (…. :D) *clenched grin*

Kenshin: Son?

Soujirou: AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! *goes crazy*

Sanosuke: Shit, Kenshin!

~  ~

Kenshin: I have something to say to you.

Shishio: What, Battousai?

Kenshin: Shishio…. Shishi-chan….

Shishio: ……..*twitch*

Kenshin: I am your father!

Shishio: *bursts into flames from shock*

Sanosuke: DAMN, Kenshin! Whose next?!

Kenshin: *turns to face him* Well, Sano…

Sanosuke: Oh, shit. *starts to run away*

Kenshin: You can't escape the truth!! Your mother was Tomoe!!

~     ~     ~     ~     ~

*Kenshin turns to face Kaoru in the dojo*

Kenshin: Kaoru-dono….

Kaoru: Don't even say it Kenshin. Don't.

~  ~

Kenshin: Yahiko-

Yahiko: Stuff it.

Kenshin: Okeydokey. But you know, Megumi's your mother-

Yahiko: STUFF IT!!!!!!!

~  ~

Kenshin: Thank you for tending to my wounds, Megumi-dono.

Megumi: (^*_*^)(Terrible attempt at a fox face) Oh, it was no trouble at all, Ken-san! Ohohohoho!!

Kenshin: You're so happy, Megumi… I think maybe now would be a good time to tell the truth. I'm your father.

Megumi: ….But….I just thought you told Yahiko I was his mother! Which meant you and I-!!!

Kenshin: (^_^x) It's all non-inconsistent, de gozaru. So if you'll excuse me, I need to go heat up the bath.

Megumi: …..(X_X)

~  ~

Kenshin: Aoshi?

Aoshi: *meditating*

Kenshin: *sits next to him* *sigh* I know I'm not exactly sociable…but I didn't think my son would turn out to be a mute.

Aoshi: You have 5 seconds to be out of here before I kill you.

Kenshin: He speaks!

~  ~

Kenshin: Shishou?

Hiko: What, baka deshi?

Kenshin: *rubbing the back of his head* Oro… it's so hard to say this since I've been studying under you for all these years…

Hiko: Ha! And don't you forget it, pops!

Kenshin: You knew? And you still subjected me to all that torture you called training?!

Hiko: Of course! I wanted to make you stronger; who'd want such a weakling for a dad?

Kenshin: (-_-x)

~  ~

Kenshin: Tsubame-

Tsubame: *shrieks and runs away*

Kenshin: Oro. I guess I'll break the news to her tomorrow. 

~  ~

*Later that night*

Kenshin: *looking around at everybody*  (^_^x) Oh, hello everyone! Is something the matter?

Yahiko, Sanosuke, Megumi, and Kaoru: G**RR_R_**_RR_RR**R**RRR**RRRr**r_rrR**R**_**R!!!!**

Saitou: BATTOUSAI!!! YOU ARE MOST CERTAINLY NOT MY FATHER!!!

Kenshin: Aww, Hajime-chan! You have such a temper!

Saitou: *Gatotsus Kenshin*

Kaoru: *fuming* You-you-!!! You playboy!!!

Kenshin: Oroororooro….. But Sessha loves all his children!

*WHACK!!*

Kenshin: Orororooo…!! Someone elses turn, please!!!

~     ~     ~     ~     ~

Sanosuke: Hey, Jou-chan.

Kaoru: What?

Sanosuke: …You know…you should be a lot younger if I were your dad.

Kaoru: WHAT?!?! You must be drunk! 

*grabs him*

Kaoru: Wait a second… you're sober!! I can't believe it!

Sanosuke: Geez….my own daughter!

Kaoru: *screams*

~  ~

Sanosuke: Oi, Katsu.

Katsu: Sano! I've been looking all over for you! There's some kind of deadly disease spreading around here! And the only way to tell is if they say-

Sanosuke: Katsu, I'm your pop, okay? Now shut up. 

~  ~

Sanosuke: Come on, Miss Tae! Just put it on my tab!

Tae: No! Sagara-san, it's just been too long! That tab must be paid!

Sanosuke: Geez, can't you do your daddy a favor?

Tae: I'm afraid you've gotten it all wrong, Sagara-san. I'm _your_ father.

Sanosuke: What?! But you're a chick!

Tae: That's what you think!

~  ~

Sanosuke: Kenshin. I'm your father. Somehow. 

Kenshin: Oro. (Now I know how everyone else felt!)

Sanosuke: *shouting to the sky* CAN I SWITCH NOW?!

Kenshin: (But you didn't get half as hurt as I did….)

~  ~

Saitou: Ahou!

Sanosuke: Huh? 

*turns around* 

Sanosuke: Oh shit!! Not him! No way!! 

*starts to run but Saitou grabs him*

Saitou: Stop running. I'm your father, you stupid ahou!

Sano: *screams*

~  ~

Saitou: Battousai-

Kenshin: Saitou, we both know it's not true.

Saitou: What? That Kaoru was your mother?

Kenshin: NAAAANIIII??!!! YOU MONSTER!!!!

Saitou: What? I never said I was your father.

Kenshin: ORO?!

Saitou: *points at Sano*

Kenshin: #(*&P#(*&)^@#@)()!#???!!!

Saitou: Just be glad I didn't point to the brat.

Kenshin: That's just sick.

~  ~

Saitou: Hmph. It's the Weasel-girl.

Misao: Grrrrrr, what did you say to me, you stupid jerk?!

Saitou: I'm your father.

Misao: …. Wh….wh…

*snaps fingers*

Misao: Oh! I know! You're just trying to catch me off guard! Well, that won't happen, cockroach!

Saitou: For that, you get a spanking.

*reaches for her*

Misao: *shrieking* AOSHI-SAMA!!!!!!

~  ~

*looking at Usui's dead body*

Saitou: I just killed my own son. But he was evil. So no guilt on me!

Kenshin: (Like he'd have any guilt anyway…)

~     ~     ~     ~     ~

*Kaoru's nightmare*

Soujirou: I'm your father!

Hiko: No, I'm your father!

Aoshi: ……I'm your father.

Kenshin: (^_^x) Heh….sorry for hiding the truth so long, Kaoru-dono, but after seeing your attractions to me I must come out with the truth; I'm your father!

Saitou: The Tanuki is MY daughter, Battousai!

Kaoru: (;_;) SOMEONE WAKE ME UP!!!!!!!!!!

Kamatari: Yooohooo!!! Honey, _I'm_ your father!

Kaoru: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!

~   ~   ~

Kannryu: Oh Megumi! My lovely hen who lays my golden eggs! It turns out I'm your father!

Megumi: *screams*

~   ~   ~

Kannryu: Oh, and I'm her father too. 

*points at Kaoru*

Kaoru: Egh…egh….DIE!!!

*whacks at him with her bokken*

Kannryu: *weakly* Errgh…ug…..and I'm…your father too….

*points to….*

Kamatari: No way in hell! But you might be Hennya's!

(If you think about it, their face structures are a little similar…)

~   ~   ~

Raijuta: I'm everyone's father!!!

Everyone: *dies*

Shura: *beats him up with her super cool pirate skills*

Raijuta: Dad's gonna have to punish you for that young lady!

~   ~   ~

Okina: Misao!

Misao: What is it, Gramps?

Okina: Well, I'm your fa-

*WHUMP!*

Misao: *fuming* Don't even say it! That's just gross!

~   ~   ~

Yahiko: Yutarou!

Yutarou: What?

Yahiko: I'm your dad, okay?

Yutarou: ……..

Yahiko: *walks to Kenshin* And I'm yours too!

Kenshin: …

Yahiko: And your's, busu!

Kaoru: ….. *twitch*

Yahiko: And-

*WHUMP!*

Sanosuke: *rubbing fist* I hope that shuts him up.

Yutarou: …Ehehe..eheh….But there's no way that could be true, right?

Sanosuke: It's a messed up world, brat.

Yahiko: *weakly* Papa's gonna spank you for that one….

*WHUMP!*

~   ~   ~

(Saved scariest for last….)

Houji: MWUAHAHHHAAA!!! 

*points at reader*

Houji: I'M YOUR FATHER!!!!! ME! ME! THE VILLAIN'S ANNOYING LACKEY! ME!!! MWUAHAHAHAHHAA!!!

(Now the reader may have a choice of either collapsing, screaming, or beating up Houji).

(And dwell on that. Houji. Imagine his face. Scared? You should be.)

~~~ A/N ~~~

Oh….there are so many possibilities with this theme! So many different options! And many other characters I've left out! But it was getting long, so I cut it short. Maybe I'll do a part 2… Maybe not. I think you got the idea.


End file.
